It's Complicated

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DeerCamp

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2020
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I wanted to share something that has been on my mind lately, and see if anyone else relates.

When I first started hunting, it was honestly a thrill just to see a deer. Passing a critter, much less anything with hard horns wasn't on the agenda. I seldom ever thought about what a deer was doing outside of the few minutes that I waited, sometime patiently, for a clean shot.

Deer camp in Texas and then Southern Arkansas was often full of 10 or more people crammed into a singlewide trailer on the edge of a timber company lease or a tent on a ranch, and getting the chance to come dragging a deer back into camp was the thrill of a teenage boys life.

Fast forward... a "few" years and I have a place of my own now. I hunt 4 or 5 different properties, but this 40 acres is special... it's mine. I work the land, sow the seeds and hope for rain. I care about it.

Somewhere in all this happening, my wife decided that if I was going to be in the woods from October to December, she might as well learn to hunt so we could spend more time together. That was 10 years ago. Of course, what I didn't know then is that she was going to become a skilled hunter in her own right, more patient and deliberate than me, and for quite a few years that followed I was the one sitting at home entertaining kids while I got pictures from HER from the field.

But now that we have our own place, and we've done the habitat work. The hours, the sweat, and the stands, things are... a little more complicated.

I run 6 different cell cameras on this piece of property, which is also the same property where I lay down my head most nights, and I've come to know these woods and these animals in a complicated way.

Yes, these animals put food on the table, and I still get just as excited seeing brown movement as I did 25 years ago. I haven't lost the passion for hunting even a little bit. In fact, the part after the kill has become so much more important to me. We take care in processing and packaging, and try not to let anything edible go to waste.

But now I've watched these fawns be born. I've seen them slip past predators by mere minutes, and I've watched them nurse. I've seen them at 7 days old and maybe 7 years old. And on an almost daily basis, I get pictures of these deer and can identify many of them with a quick zoom. Some of them have names (Scar, Spots, Buddy) that at first was meant to simply identify them, but has since become endearing. (Whatever happened to old scar anyways? We'll probably never know for sure.)

And we are nearing a point on the property, where it may be time to take a few does out of the herd. Best I can tell, we haven't been losing many to predators, most does have fawns with them, and the bucks are fewer and farther between outside of the rut as the does have firmly planted a territorial briar fence around this place.

And in that I have to admit, it gives me pause. Even a buck that we've watched grow holds a little bit of a special place, not just the maternal aspect. I'm constantly thinking about and probably overthinking what the impacts will be from the trigger decisions we make.

There's such an easy disconnect from the nicely packaged ground protein at Kroger, and these animals out here.

Don't worry - I'm not going vegan anytime soon.

But as I prep our gear for tomorrow's youth hunt, I want my kids to be free to make their own hunting decisions. If my daughter wants to harvest the first doe she see's in the morning, I'll be one proud father. No less proud than if she holds out for a mature buck. Or if she decides not to take anything at all. She'll help me field dress and hang it, and then later she will know where her food came from in a way that so many people don't.

I also know that it's likely I will recognize the deer. I will have a little history with it, and will appreciate it all the more for it.

She probably won't think any of these things. She'll just be an excited kid, and I may even be a little envious of the simplicity.

Like I said - complicated.
 
I wanted to share something that has been on my mind lately, and see if anyone else relates.

When I first started hunting, it was honestly a thrill just to see a deer. Passing a critter, much less anything with hard horns wasn't on the agenda. I seldom ever thought about what a deer was doing outside of the few minutes that I waited, sometime patiently, for a clean shot.

Deer camp in Texas and then Southern Arkansas was often full of 10 or more people crammed into a singlewide trailer on the edge of a timber company lease or a tent on a ranch, and getting the chance to come dragging a deer back into camp was the thrill of a teenage boys life.

Fast forward... a "few" years and I have a place of my own now. I hunt 4 or 5 different properties, but this 40 acres is special... it's mine. I work the land, sow the seeds and hope for rain. I care about it.

Somewhere in all this happening, my wife decided that if I was going to be in the woods from October to December, she might as well learn to hunt so we could spend more time together. That was 10 years ago. Of course, what I didn't know then is that she was going to become a skilled hunter in her own right, more patient and deliberate than me, and for quite a few years that followed I was the one sitting at home entertaining kids while I got pictures from HER from the field.

But now that we have our own place, and we've done the habitat work. The hours, the sweat, and the stands, things are... a little more complicated.

I run 6 different cell cameras on this piece of property, which is also the same property where I lay down my head most nights, and I've come to know these woods and these animals in a complicated way.

Yes, these animals put food on the table, and I still get just as excited seeing brown movement as I did 25 years ago. I haven't lost the passion for hunting even a little bit. In fact, the part after the kill has become so much more important to me. We take care in processing and packaging, and try not to let anything edible go to waste.

But now I've watched these fawns be born. I've seen them slip past predators by mere minutes, and I've watched them nurse. I've seen them at 7 days old and maybe 7 years old. And on an almost daily basis, I get pictures of these deer and can identify many of them with a quick zoom. Some of them have names (Scar, Spots, Buddy) that at first was meant to simply identify them, but has since become endearing. (Whatever happened to old scar anyways? We'll probably never know for sure.)

And we are nearing a point on the property, where it may be time to take a few does out of the herd. Best I can tell, we haven't been losing many to predators, most does have fawns with them, and the bucks are fewer and farther between outside of the rut as the does have firmly planted a territorial briar fence around this place.

And in that I have to admit, it gives me pause. Even a buck that we've watched grow holds a little bit of a special place, not just the maternal aspect. I'm constantly thinking about and probably overthinking what the impacts will be from the trigger decisions we make.

There's such an easy disconnect from the nicely packaged ground protein at Kroger, and these animals out here.

Don't worry - I'm not going vegan anytime soon.

But as I prep our gear for tomorrow's youth hunt, I want my kids to be free to make their own hunting decisions. If my daughter wants to harvest the first doe she see's in the morning, I'll be one proud father. No less proud than if she holds out for a mature buck. Or if she decides not to take anything at all. She'll help me field dress and hang it, and then later she will know where her food came from in a way that so many people don't.

I also know that it's likely I will recognize the deer. I will have a little history with it, and will appreciate it all the more for it.

She probably won't think any of these things. She'll just be an excited kid, and I may even be a little envious of the simplicity.

Like I said - complicated.
I get what you're saying.
When I finally move to my place, I'm gonna probably go thru the same thing. My wife and I will see newborns, the same deer coming by and getting to recognize them, and like I have in the past debate whether or not I want to continue to hunt.
I won't raise poultry or other animals for the same reason.
When I shot my buck last year, I felt a little bad about it but with the uncertainty last year with food supplies, I felt better knowing if the SHTF, I at least had meat for 6 months.
As @AT Hiker said. If you have no remorse, then that's a problem.
Exact reason I can't stand internet celebrity hunters. They find all the joy in the kill and rack size, not the process to get there.
 
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I do understand what you're saying DeerCamp. I don't live on my hunting property, but I spend enough time there my wife thinks I do! And I've been tracking the deer that use my place for so long, I recognize every one of them the instant I see them (at least the bucks). I definitely have a strong vested interest in the long-term health and population of the local deer herd. But I guess I don't feel hesitant or guilty taking a deer of choice (especially bucks) because I know how many of them we have, have tested different harvest rates to see the results, and know the number of bucks we'll kill won't effect the long-term population or age structure.

And as for "knowing" every buck on sight, I find this actually improves my harvest success. Instead of spending time evaluating a buck at the moment of truth, I already have a "list" of the bucks I will shoot, and the instant I see a buck I know if he's on the list or not. See a buck and recognize him, If he's on the list, bang. That quick.
 
I've really only ever had "remorse" when I made a poor shot and didn't dispatch a deer sufficiently quickly, or somehow wounded it. Very remorseful on one deer in particular years and years ago. First shot took out the hips (scope was off, using someone else's gun). Follow-up is a marginal lung shot. You see it gasping for air to the last moment when it thrashes violently before it blacks out, but your gun is jammed and cannot follow up to make it stop. A solid minute of this and it feels like hours.

But I've only ever felt jubilation on a clean kill. The processing is exciting, as is cooking.
 
I know exactly what your talking about. Me and my wife were blessed enough to be able to purchase my great grandparents farm back. It's like I am enjoying the management of it more than the actual hunting. My wife was able to harvest her biggest buck to date last muzzleloader season off our land. And that feeling after all that work is amazing. 20201119_092911.jpg
 
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I do understand what you're saying DeerCamp. I don't live on my hunting property, but I spend enough time there my wife thinks I do! And I've been tracking the deer that use my place for so long, I recognize every one of them the instant I see them (at least the bucks). I definitely have a strong vested interest in the long-term health and population of the local deer herd. But I guess I don't feel hesitant or guilty taking a deer of choice (especially bucks) because I know how many of them we have, have tested different harvest rates to see the results, and know the number of bucks we'll kill won't effect the long-term population or age structure.

And as for "knowing" every buck on sight, I find this actually improves my harvest success. Instead of spending time evaluating a buck at the moment of truth, I already have a "list" of the bucks I will shoot, and the instant I see a buck I know if he's on the list or not. See a buck and recognize him, If he's on the list, bang. That quick.
I find that I enjoy the rut when new bucks that don't live here make trips past our stands. And I don't think I've ever felt hesitant about pulling the trigger on a buck, except for those times when I was on the fence about whether or not the deer was shooter. We get so many transient bucks here, there are a lot of times we see a buck that we've never laid eyes on before.

To be honest, I don't hunt our property much anyways. I leave that to the girls.

I think's it definitely seeing the cycle of life between does and their fawns that brings the whole thing back to reality.

Even so, I've never been remorseful on a clean kill. But I'm more thoughtful and sincere about it now than I was before.
 
I've really only ever had "remorse" when I made a poor shot and didn't dispatch a deer sufficiently quickly, or somehow wounded it. Very remorseful on one deer in particular years and years ago. First shot took out the hips (scope was off, using someone else's gun). Follow-up is a marginal lung shot. You see it gasping for air to the last moment when it thrashes violently before it blacks out, but your gun is jammed and cannot follow up to make it stop. A solid minute of this and it feels like hours.

But I've only ever felt jubilation on a clean kill. The processing is exciting, as is cooking.
Mine as a muzzleloader spine shot. She was trying to crawl away, and I could not get that muzzleloader loaded. The sabot was hanging up in the barrel. The cap kept slipping out of my cold fingers. I eventually dispatched that deer, but I didn't hunt for several weeks after.

Wish I could take that one back.
 
It's a management activity on my farm and I look at as such...balancing the number of mouths to available habitat / carrying capacity. Over the years as we've improved habitat, the number of deer has also increased. While some may think that's a good problem to have it also means we have to be more diligent about harvest targets.
 
I know exactly what you mean. I tried and tried my hardest to kill a deer back when I first joined here. Watched the deer I wanted for three years on camera and killed him. It was over. Literally. All of the fun I had watching that deer and looking for his sheds was over
 
I think's it definitely seeing the cycle of life between does and their fawns that brings the whole thing back to reality.
Now that I'm exclusively using trail-cameras on video mode, I got a ton of videos of fawns jumping and frolicking in the food plots. Kind of makes me a little sad to think in a couple of years, I just may shoot that playful fawn.
 
I'm a manager. And as such, I'm going to pass or kill what is required for the benefit of the entire herd. If I need to kill some does (which is almost never the case), I'm going to kill a doe without a fawn. That's the 'complicated' part for me. I'm going to give bucks a great life with sanctuary, food, water, predator reduction, etc.... but when they get mature, I'm going to kill them for my personal benefit and to give excess meat to select friends.

I've only had one buck I was sentimental about. He got hit by a car and smashed in half his head when he was 3.5. He survived, but had an abnormal rack after that and was blind in his left eye. We passed him up multiple times over the subsequent years, until he finally disappeared at 8.5. I kept hoping he would show back up the past 2 years, and although I've accepted the fact he is gone, it still makes me sad.

I probably feel this way because I don't live on my farms I hunt. The handful of deer that visit my backyard here in MS I would NEVER dream of shooting. I get too much enjoyment from just watching them.
 
I hunt my place (45 acres) planted a couple small plots this year and have two cameras that I will look at pictures from. I also have like 15 other farms within 10 minutes to hunt. I do not have near enough time to put into hunting like most on here nor would I want to. Way higher priorities in my life. I love to hunt, but if I deer hunt 5-6 times a year anymore that's a lot. I don't have the time or the money. I have pretty much strictly hunted for meat for over a decade. Very rarely do I pass any deer. The only day I strictly buck hunt is Veterans Day. I have no "remorse" or regrets or anything like that upon being successful, but I am very thankful and I enjoy myself. I love the sights and smells out in the woods. The excitement of seeing a deer is still there every single time. I don't know the deer or recognize this or that rack. I don't look to see if it's a mature deer or not. If more than one is present I shoot the biggest one. I'm just a deer hunter that wants to put food on the table, and for me it's way cheaper than buying meat. All of my equipment is old but effective and I process my own. I guess I'm a little more "base" than most.
 
I feel the same way deep camp, I love watching the deer in my yard, but I will shoot one every couple of years, I've lived here 18 years and Finally shot my biggest buck to date from my door, took me 18 years to do it.
 
I hunt my place (45 acres) planted a couple small plots this year and have two cameras that I will look at pictures from. I also have like 15 other farms within 10 minutes to hunt. I do not have near enough time to put into hunting like most on here nor would I want to. Way higher priorities in my life. I love to hunt, but if I deer hunt 5-6 times a year anymore that's a lot. I don't have the time or the money. I have pretty much strictly hunted for meat for over a decade. Very rarely do I pass any deer. The only day I strictly buck hunt is Veterans Day. I have no "remorse" or regrets or anything like that upon being successful, but I am very thankful and I enjoy myself. I love the sights and smells out in the woods. The excitement of seeing a deer is still there every single time. I don't know the deer or recognize this or that rack. I don't look to see if it's a mature deer or not. If more than one is present I shoot the biggest one. I'm just a deer hunter that wants to put food on the table, and for me it's way cheaper than buying meat. All of my equipment is old but effective and I process my own. I guess I'm a little more "base" than most.
I don't think you're outside the norm at all poorhunter. I think you represent the majority of deer hunters. But on a website dedicated to talking about deer hunting year-round, you're going to accumulate some VERY serious hunters! In essence, I think TNdeer membership is heavy on the "hard-core" side.
 
I know exactly what your talking about. Me and my wife were blessed enough to be able to purchase my great grandparents farm back. It's like I am enjoying the management of it more than the actual hunting. My wife was able to harvest her biggest buck to date last muzzleloader season off our land. And that feeling after all that work is amazing.View attachment 117961
Super cool story and picture!
 
I wanted to share something that has been on my mind lately, and see if anyone else relates.

When I first started hunting, it was honestly a thrill just to see a deer. Passing a critter, much less anything with hard horns wasn't on the agenda. I seldom ever thought about what a deer was doing outside of the few minutes that I waited, sometime patiently, for a clean shot.

Deer camp in Texas and then Southern Arkansas was often full of 10 or more people crammed into a singlewide trailer on the edge of a timber company lease or a tent on a ranch, and getting the chance to come dragging a deer back into camp was the thrill of a teenage boys life.

Fast forward... a "few" years and I have a place of my own now. I hunt 4 or 5 different properties, but this 40 acres is special... it's mine. I work the land, sow the seeds and hope for rain. I care about it.

Somewhere in all this happening, my wife decided that if I was going to be in the woods from October to December, she might as well learn to hunt so we could spend more time together. That was 10 years ago. Of course, what I didn't know then is that she was going to become a skilled hunter in her own right, more patient and deliberate than me, and for quite a few years that followed I was the one sitting at home entertaining kids while I got pictures from HER from the field.

But now that we have our own place, and we've done the habitat work. The hours, the sweat, and the stands, things are... a little more complicated.

I run 6 different cell cameras on this piece of property, which is also the same property where I lay down my head most nights, and I've come to know these woods and these animals in a complicated way.

Yes, these animals put food on the table, and I still get just as excited seeing brown movement as I did 25 years ago. I haven't lost the passion for hunting even a little bit. In fact, the part after the kill has become so much more important to me. We take care in processing and packaging, and try not to let anything edible go to waste.

But now I've watched these fawns be born. I've seen them slip past predators by mere minutes, and I've watched them nurse. I've seen them at 7 days old and maybe 7 years old. And on an almost daily basis, I get pictures of these deer and can identify many of them with a quick zoom. Some of them have names (Scar, Spots, Buddy) that at first was meant to simply identify them, but has since become endearing. (Whatever happened to old scar anyways? We'll probably never know for sure.)

And we are nearing a point on the property, where it may be time to take a few does out of the herd. Best I can tell, we haven't been losing many to predators, most does have fawns with them, and the bucks are fewer and farther between outside of the rut as the does have firmly planted a territorial briar fence around this place.

And in that I have to admit, it gives me pause. Even a buck that we've watched grow holds a little bit of a special place, not just the maternal aspect. I'm constantly thinking about and probably overthinking what the impacts will be from the trigger decisions we make.

There's such an easy disconnect from the nicely packaged ground protein at Kroger, and these animals out here.

Don't worry - I'm not going vegan anytime soon.

But as I prep our gear for tomorrow's youth hunt, I want my kids to be free to make their own hunting decisions. If my daughter wants to harvest the first doe she see's in the morning, I'll be one proud father. No less proud than if she holds out for a mature buck. Or if she decides not to take anything at all. She'll help me field dress and hang it, and then later she will know where her food came from in a way that so many people don't.

I also know that it's likely I will recognize the deer. I will have a little history with it, and will appreciate it all the more for it.

She probably won't think any of these things. She'll just be an excited kid, and I may even be a little envious of the simplicity.

Like I said - complicated.
Hunt and take them from the land. Pure nourishment in the best form. Feel blessed you can do that from what you earned. Very very few have what you do.
 
We got a little 50 arce spot in the middle of no where that my great grandparents built a small house on. Part of The old chimney is all that remains. I grew up listening to my grandmother talking about how they would chop a big tree down across the creek so she could walk across it alone in the dark to go to school when she was just a little girl.

Fast forward 3 generations later its so special to be able to still hunt that land. Plant food plots in the same field my great grandfather grew crops. cross the same creek my grandmother crossed to go to school. We run cams all year around watch the deer grow. I always give a pause when taking a deer from this spot also because it's such a special moment and a special deer.
 
This post reminds me of a friend that had some land, but never raised livestock. He decided one year that they would buy a young heifer and raise it, then slaughter it for the beef. He and his family became so attached to it, they couldn't bring themselves to kill it, and that cow died of old age.

It definitely can be difficult at times with a deer you have a lot of history with because when you pull the trigger, it's all over.
 
Now that I'm exclusively using trail-cameras on video mode, I got a ton of videos of fawns jumping and frolicking in the food plots. Kind of makes me a little sad to think in a couple of years, I just may shoot that playful fawn.
I'm fortunate that I can watch my big food plot from my kitchen window. Watching those fawns bucking and kicking and playing is worth the work alone. Instead of being somewhere and saying "hey look at those fawns playing"….I catch myself thinking "why are you burning that much energy?" Haha.
I've said it ever since we bought our place, I wish everyone had somewhere they could just watch deer be deer undisturbed 365 days a year. It's amazing the different behaviors and habits of deer I've learned that I don't think you'll ever see from a tree stand.
Speaking of shooting does, it's all good though because even though I know "who's who", I also know which does never had a fawn this year and even though I had excellent fawn recruitment this year, there's also 2 or 3 big old does that will be prime candidates for freezer camp. I just wish I knew somewhere that had a big doe contest. Haha
 
Great post! Taking a life, any life is a thing. The animal will die anyway and maybe a horrible death but you shortened it suddenly and that carries responsibility. Some remorse should accompany a kill and as humans, we should feel that and realize the cost. For that animal, the cost was everything.

The other side of this is that our lives are also short. Very short. The times we share with our kids is even shorter. One never knows what the future holds. CWD or something else could change the equation.

There are great life lessons to be learned and that's why we hunt. Allow your children and others to learn these lessons, create those memories and enjoy the fruits of their labor before it all disappears. One day it will.
 
Great post! Taking a life, any life is a thing. The animal will die anyway and maybe a horrible death but you shortened it suddenly and that carries responsibility. Some remorse should accompany a kill and as humans, we should feel that and realize the cost. For that animal, the cost was everything.

The other side of this is that our lives are also short. Very short. The times we share with our kids is even shorter. One never knows what the future holds. CWD or something else could change the equation.

There are great life lessons to be learned and that's why we hunt. Allow your children and others to learn these lessons, create those memories and enjoy the fruits of their labor before it all disappears. One day it will.
Fantastic post fairchaser!
 
Well said, DeerCamp. Great post. And I can especially relate to the part about 'cramming in a trailer at deer camp' in South Arkansas as that is where I grew up. Just curious as to what part of South Arkansas you hunted. I hunted around Sparkman, Arkadelphia, Camden, ElDorado.
 
Great post OP. I shared it with my wife (who gives two yugos about hunting but your post touched her).

Every kill I make I always spend 10 seconds or so over the animal in silence. I've never really known where it came from. I don't feel bad about the kills, but I guess I just appreciate the fact that I just took that animals life (as all responsible hunters do). Touching the animals head and having a silent moment always makes the hunt feel very bittersweet.
 

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