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#3648008 - 04/17/14 11:38 AM Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell
Crappie Luck Moderator

Registered: 01/29/03
Posts: 62020
Loc: Smith Co.

“Rules” For Bullied Students: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell…..Yeah Right! Those are not the Rules I Teach My Kids!

A document apparently being handed out in the Lincoln, Neb., schools advises students not to tell on bullies, not to defend themselves as bullies and to “treat the person who is being mean as if they are trying to help you.”

First appearing on the instagram page of what appears to be a parent, the same text (with revisions) is found here, as a guide by a school psychologist Israel Kalman.

Kalman’s full “Guide for Teachers and School Mental Health Professionals” can be found here on the Lutheran Special School and Education Services website. It is unclear which schools have utilized Kalman’s guide, but it certainly flies in the face of traditional methods of dealing with bullying. Some of his “rules:”

#1: Refuse to get angry

#2: Treat everything people tell you as the words of your best friend (even if they sound angry and hateful).

#3. Rule #3: Do not be afraid.

Rule #4: Do not defend yourself.

We defend ourselves from enemies, not from friends. If I defend myself from you, I am treating you like an enemy and you will treat me back like an enemy. The defensive position is the weaker position. So if I defend myself from you, I automatically lose, and you will have no respect for me.

Rule #7: Do not tell on bullies; talk to them directly

One of the meanest things you can do to someone is try to get them in trouble. They will hate you for it and have no respect for you. They will want to beat you up after school, or try to get you in trouble for bothering them. If people are mean to you, they will like and respect you more if you talk to them directly about it than if you tell on them. You should only tell if a real crime (such as an injury or theft) is being committed, or to stop a crime from happening. No one is allowed to break your bones, knock out your teeth, or destroy your valuables. For that they should get in trouble. But not because they hurt your feelings. Often kids are telling on each other. If you stop telling on them, they will probably stop telling on you.

I was bullied as a kid. Yesterday, an older kid was playing with my eight-year-old son and had him in a neck-hold. I guarantee you, none of these “rules” would work in the real world. This kind of liberal pacifist claptrap is exactly what is turning our children in to a generation of defenseless sissies.
"To find out who your real rulers are, simply look to those whom you CANNOT criticize..."

#3648072 - 04/17/14 01:03 PM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: Crappie Luck]
10 Point

Registered: 07/18/06
Posts: 4888
Loc: San Antonio, TX


I seem to remember a very different tactic working quite well when dealing with bullies.

Searching for the elusive "Moderate" liberal and "Moderate" Muslim. Maybe they are hiding together...

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#3648099 - 04/17/14 01:26 PM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: Still-n-Quiet]
6 Point

Registered: 09/18/13
Posts: 942
Loc: Tennessee

 Originally Posted By: Still-n-Quiet

I seem to remember a very different tactic working quite well when dealing with bullies.

#3648230 - 04/17/14 03:15 PM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: Planking]
16 Point

Registered: 02/06/06
Posts: 10670
Loc: Middle TN

One of our TnDeer members had a son who was being bullied who, eventually, destroyed the bully.

Does anyone else remember what he told the school when they asked him why he told his kid to defend himself?

"Your methods didn't work; mine did."

Wish I could remember who that member was; excellent story.
Rules are for people who lose fights.

#3648655 - 04/18/14 07:35 AM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: BMan]
Unicam Administrator
16 Point

Registered: 12/13/00
Posts: 19468
Loc: Dallas, GA. & Cookeville, TN

Stood up to several bullies in my time, sometimes I got beat sometimes I did the beating, but I promise you the bullies never bothered me again and knew they had been in a fight. As the only son and the oldest child I was expected to protect my sisters at all costs.
"Gun Free Zones are for VICTIMS!"
John 15:13

#3648661 - 04/18/14 07:41 AM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: Unicam]
TnDeer Old Timer
12 Point

Registered: 03/16/99
Posts: 5400
Loc: East Tennessee USA

I think Barack Obama is using that liberal logic on Putin... See how great that one is working???
Good night Chesty, wherever you are!

Tolerance is a virtue of those who believe in nothing.

Deo Vindice

#3648685 - 04/18/14 08:01 AM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: Rebel]
10 Point

Registered: 10/25/05
Posts: 3263
Loc: southwest iowa

I'm surprised they didn't tell them just to say "Go Huskers"!
#3648780 - 04/18/14 09:29 AM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: iowavf]
16 Point

Registered: 11/21/07
Posts: 16574
Loc: Tampa FL

The only time I was bullied in school I was a Sophomore in High School and was bullied by a Senior. The fight lasted about 10 seconds. I was told by witnesses he woke up about 3 minutes later after I walked away. He came up to me the following day, shook my hand and apologized to me. He had a knot on his head the size of a ping pong ball just above his eye brows and two black eyes. He also told me he thought I cracked some of his ribs.

He never bothered anyone else in school from what I was told. No guns, knives, or other weapons were needed. Funny how getting knocked out cold changes ones attitude quickly.
"The fore horse of this frightful team is public debt. Taxation follow that, and in its turn wretchedness and oppression."
--Thomas Jefferson
18 Trillion

#3652907 - 04/22/14 09:36 PM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: FLTENNHUNTER1]
4 Point

Registered: 07/18/11
Posts: 223
Loc: Hardeman, Tn

My oldest was suspended a couple of years ago for "defending himself". That's a quote from the asst. principal. I made myself very clear that I would discipline him for fighting, not defending himself. Btw the other boy had two black eyes.
I would rather be tried by 12 than carried by 6.

#3652921 - 04/22/14 09:53 PM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: Tn_River_Ratt]
10 Point

Registered: 10/21/10
Posts: 4566
Loc: Allardt, TN

Give none, take none. That's worked pretty well for me my entire life, and I've passed it on to my kids.
This fall, FIRE THEM ALL. Re-elect NO ONE!!!!!

#3652957 - 04/22/14 10:42 PM Re: Do Not Defend Yourself, Do Not Tell [Re: AndyW]
8 Point

Registered: 01/06/08
Posts: 1709
Loc: Collierville

I would say that this probably took care of the bullying

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