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#3344312 - 09/02/13 12:28 AM A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG
Crow Terminator
TnDeer Old Timer
14 Point


Registered: 10/23/99
Posts: 9024
Loc: McMinn County

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I don't post stuff like this very often. But this one has me stumped as to how to approach it, or if I even need to do so at all.

Here's a slight back story for it:

A couple years ago, my wife and I joined a local church here in the county. When we started going there, we didn't know a single person at the church. We had left the previous church over some doctrinal changes and such that had been made, that we didn't agree with. Anyway...the church we left, was where some of our family members attended. In the weeks/months after we left, some of the family members caught onto the same thing, and they left too. They began visiting other churches...same as we had been doing, except we had already found the church that we eventually joined. Well...long story short there, the other family members began visiting the church we joined, but they have not joined, but have became regular in every service...for about a year or so now. We're all good up to this point.

Enter the problem: My niece and nephew come to church with the inlaws...and they are ages 3 and 5. My mother is one of the people who kinda followed us to the church we now attend. She seems to be going through a stage in her life where she don't think of me as grown up for some reason. I am 31 yrs old. She still talks about me like I'm 5. In the mean time...she likes getting attention from the kids at church. SO what she does...is bring a crap load of food/candy and coloring books for the kids...in which they all sit with her and around her. I think it's because she is having some kind of midlife crisis and wants to feel like she still has young kids again, so the church kids are substitutes for that. Now here is where I am a bit hard nosed. I don't mind folks having candy or gum at church. Every once in a while I will have a cinnamon disc or peppermint myself...but when it's Cheez Its, and all kind of other candy being opened CONTINUOUSLY through the service, and then coloring, talking, etc...I start to have a problem with it and the noise/commotion it brings.

All you can hear any more is the rattling of kids opening hard candy from wrappers, etc. The niece and nephew are at the forefront of this...the other kids in the church seem to know better or have been told not to go sit back there. They are allowed to take the candy but only after service is over with. I didn't get brought to church much when I was a kid, but when I did, it was with my grandma and grandpa...and by golly when you went to church, you sat there and LISTENED to the preacher. You didn't get any gum or candy until AFTER service...and if you were lucky, you could go get a drink of water when the choir came down. There wasn't any coloring books....and you for sure better not be talking during service.

This has been bothering me quite a bit. They sit in the two rows behind my wife and I...and Wednesday night they were so loud I couldn't hear the preacher talking during prayer meeting when people were saying prayer requests. I've noticed other church members that are aware of the commotion, and will look back for a second, but not say anything. But you can tell they are a little distracted by the sounds as well. I turned around Wednesday and my nephew had a whole sandwich zip bag full of hard candy that she had gave him, and he was NOT being quiet about opening it. I grabbed it from him and told him "Shhhhh" in which mom didn't like that much. A few mins later I heard wrappers again and turned to see she had given him more from another bag. My sis inlaw doesn't seem to mind that the attention of the kids have been shifted to someone else besides her for a little while...so she don't say a word about them sitting up there with mom.

So there ya have it. Mom and dad haven't been in church long...they aren't members there yet, but have been attending quite regular for the past yr or so. I don't want to say or do something to make them quit church all together, etc. Yet I do know that the candy thing is being a major distraction to folks around that area. I actually moved up several rows to try and get away from it Sunday...and I was about 5 pews in front of them and could still hear them back there.

Am I taking it way out of proportion? Should I say something about it, and if so...what would I say/how would I say it?

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#3344317 - 09/02/13 12:48 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Crow Terminator]
TAFKAP
14 Point


Registered: 11/06/09
Posts: 9797
Loc: Memphis

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If they can't behave, they shouldn't be out in public.



That goes for the kids, as well. ;\)

Is there not a nursery available? I don't know how to help you, since you and I are about in the same boat as far as parental relationships go.
_________________________
Everything important in life was learned from Mary Jo Kopechne.

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#3344320 - 09/02/13 12:59 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: TAFKAP]
Super8
8 Point


Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1517
Loc: USofA

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Talk with the Preacher and have him ask everyone to refrain from eating while service is in session. He may have to do this several times but it needs to be done. Maybe even Ask your Mom if she would be kind enough to wait until after service to pass out the goodies.
_________________________
You could save more innocent lives by taking pens away from politicians than by taking guns away from law-abiding citizens.

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#3344330 - 09/02/13 04:03 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Super8]
farmin68
16 Point


Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 13880
Loc: In a tree clinging to my guns ...

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A candy wrapper in church makes more noise than a Honey Boo Boo convention in the WalMart.

Super8 is right...That's what needs to be done, but the preacher will offend mom (if she's paying attention and can hear over the candy wrappers) and mom will tell CrowT that she's hamrmless and that he must not like the idea of her being in the same church with him.

Not necessarily anything wrong with offending someone in the congregation....just saying.

CrowT, best advice I can give is pray about it.
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Shoot Low, Boys -- They're Riding Shetland Ponies

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#3344349 - 09/02/13 05:56 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: farmin68]
BlackBelt
10 Point


Registered: 08/09/08
Posts: 3294
Loc: SouthWest TN

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Seems like the preacher would have already said something about it if it was bothering him.
I would speak to the minister and see how he feels about the matter.
I had a preacher once who enjoyed hearing kids crying during his services. Seemed weird, but he said those cries were from the future of the church, and he was glad they were there. I have attended churchs where there were no young people at all and I could feel the slow death the church was suffering. Eventually they closed their doors.
So I would say if kids are there, thats a good thing...even if they need some gentle guidance on behavior.

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#3344380 - 09/02/13 07:28 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: BlackBelt]
Rackseeker
12 Point


Registered: 09/26/02
Posts: 5789
Loc: Franklin County

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You said your Dad was going also? How does he feel about the problem? Maybe you could talk to him about it and let him talk to your Mom. Its never easy saying what needs to be said when talking to grandparents.
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AKA: GLOCKMAN

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#3344394 - 09/02/13 07:48 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Rackseeker]
-DRM-
6 Point


Registered: 08/21/12
Posts: 774
Loc: Spring Hill, TN

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Man up and discuss this with your mom like an adult. If you don't want her to treat you like a 5 year old, you need to be able to have this simple adult discussion with her.
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~DRM~

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#3344402 - 09/02/13 08:00 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: TAFKAP]
MUP
Non-Typical


Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 46324
Loc: Just North of Chatt-town

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Sounds like you may need to look into having children's church, maybe in another room in the bldg? Or at least a separate "Sunday school" program for the kids. Jmo and good luck finding a productive solution brother. ;\)
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MUP

Amateurs: Built the Ark

Professionals: Built the Titanic

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#3344415 - 09/02/13 08:19 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: MUP]
Poleaxe
8 Point


Registered: 09/08/12
Posts: 2374
Loc: Etowah Tennessee

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I can't believe one of the deacons hasn't spoke with her yet. Maybe out of fear that it might upset her. I would ask one of the deacons to talk to her about letting them go to children's church. I think people that bring disruptive kids to church is one of the rudest things. People that are there to try and make their lives right and can't is sad. I was one of those kids along time ago. I would have members of the congregation that would have to come sit with me and keep me from crawling under the pews. It worked though. Now I just want to pick up every kid I hear and spank em and their parents. I never acted up around my parents though.
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#3344433 - 09/02/13 08:46 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: TAFKAP]
WGK
WILD BILL
12 Point


Registered: 02/18/12
Posts: 6508
Loc: loudon

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MUP is right sounds like you need to have children's church. Ours is structured for kids from ages 3 to 5.
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William G Kollock

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