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#3344312 - 09/02/13 12:28 AM A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG
Crow Terminator
TnDeer Old Timer
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Registered: 10/23/99
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Loc: McMinn County

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I don't post stuff like this very often. But this one has me stumped as to how to approach it, or if I even need to do so at all.

Here's a slight back story for it:

A couple years ago, my wife and I joined a local church here in the county. When we started going there, we didn't know a single person at the church. We had left the previous church over some doctrinal changes and such that had been made, that we didn't agree with. Anyway...the church we left, was where some of our family members attended. In the weeks/months after we left, some of the family members caught onto the same thing, and they left too. They began visiting other churches...same as we had been doing, except we had already found the church that we eventually joined. Well...long story short there, the other family members began visiting the church we joined, but they have not joined, but have became regular in every service...for about a year or so now. We're all good up to this point.

Enter the problem: My niece and nephew come to church with the inlaws...and they are ages 3 and 5. My mother is one of the people who kinda followed us to the church we now attend. She seems to be going through a stage in her life where she don't think of me as grown up for some reason. I am 31 yrs old. She still talks about me like I'm 5. In the mean time...she likes getting attention from the kids at church. SO what she does...is bring a crap load of food/candy and coloring books for the kids...in which they all sit with her and around her. I think it's because she is having some kind of midlife crisis and wants to feel like she still has young kids again, so the church kids are substitutes for that. Now here is where I am a bit hard nosed. I don't mind folks having candy or gum at church. Every once in a while I will have a cinnamon disc or peppermint myself...but when it's Cheez Its, and all kind of other candy being opened CONTINUOUSLY through the service, and then coloring, talking, etc...I start to have a problem with it and the noise/commotion it brings.

All you can hear any more is the rattling of kids opening hard candy from wrappers, etc. The niece and nephew are at the forefront of this...the other kids in the church seem to know better or have been told not to go sit back there. They are allowed to take the candy but only after service is over with. I didn't get brought to church much when I was a kid, but when I did, it was with my grandma and grandpa...and by golly when you went to church, you sat there and LISTENED to the preacher. You didn't get any gum or candy until AFTER service...and if you were lucky, you could go get a drink of water when the choir came down. There wasn't any coloring books....and you for sure better not be talking during service.

This has been bothering me quite a bit. They sit in the two rows behind my wife and I...and Wednesday night they were so loud I couldn't hear the preacher talking during prayer meeting when people were saying prayer requests. I've noticed other church members that are aware of the commotion, and will look back for a second, but not say anything. But you can tell they are a little distracted by the sounds as well. I turned around Wednesday and my nephew had a whole sandwich zip bag full of hard candy that she had gave him, and he was NOT being quiet about opening it. I grabbed it from him and told him "Shhhhh" in which mom didn't like that much. A few mins later I heard wrappers again and turned to see she had given him more from another bag. My sis inlaw doesn't seem to mind that the attention of the kids have been shifted to someone else besides her for a little while...so she don't say a word about them sitting up there with mom.

So there ya have it. Mom and dad haven't been in church long...they aren't members there yet, but have been attending quite regular for the past yr or so. I don't want to say or do something to make them quit church all together, etc. Yet I do know that the candy thing is being a major distraction to folks around that area. I actually moved up several rows to try and get away from it Sunday...and I was about 5 pews in front of them and could still hear them back there.

Am I taking it way out of proportion? Should I say something about it, and if so...what would I say/how would I say it?

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#3344317 - 09/02/13 12:48 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Crow Terminator]
TAFKAP
14 Point


Registered: 11/06/09
Posts: 9512
Loc: Memphis

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If they can't behave, they shouldn't be out in public.



That goes for the kids, as well. ;\)

Is there not a nursery available? I don't know how to help you, since you and I are about in the same boat as far as parental relationships go.
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#3344320 - 09/02/13 12:59 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: TAFKAP]
Super8
8 Point


Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1452
Loc: USofA

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Talk with the Preacher and have him ask everyone to refrain from eating while service is in session. He may have to do this several times but it needs to be done. Maybe even Ask your Mom if she would be kind enough to wait until after service to pass out the goodies.
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#3344330 - 09/02/13 04:03 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Super8]
farmin68
16 Point


Registered: 11/08/03
Posts: 13417
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A candy wrapper in church makes more noise than a Honey Boo Boo convention in the WalMart.

Super8 is right...That's what needs to be done, but the preacher will offend mom (if she's paying attention and can hear over the candy wrappers) and mom will tell CrowT that she's hamrmless and that he must not like the idea of her being in the same church with him.

Not necessarily anything wrong with offending someone in the congregation....just saying.

CrowT, best advice I can give is pray about it.
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#3344349 - 09/02/13 05:56 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: farmin68]
BlackBelt
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Registered: 08/09/08
Posts: 3145
Loc: SouthWest TN

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Seems like the preacher would have already said something about it if it was bothering him.
I would speak to the minister and see how he feels about the matter.
I had a preacher once who enjoyed hearing kids crying during his services. Seemed weird, but he said those cries were from the future of the church, and he was glad they were there. I have attended churchs where there were no young people at all and I could feel the slow death the church was suffering. Eventually they closed their doors.
So I would say if kids are there, thats a good thing...even if they need some gentle guidance on behavior.

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#3344380 - 09/02/13 07:28 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: BlackBelt]
Rackseeker
12 Point


Registered: 09/26/02
Posts: 5557
Loc: Franklin County

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You said your Dad was going also? How does he feel about the problem? Maybe you could talk to him about it and let him talk to your Mom. Its never easy saying what needs to be said when talking to grandparents.
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#3344394 - 09/02/13 07:48 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Rackseeker]
-DRM-
6 Point


Registered: 08/21/12
Posts: 768
Loc: Spring Hill, TN

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Man up and discuss this with your mom like an adult. If you don't want her to treat you like a 5 year old, you need to be able to have this simple adult discussion with her.
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~DRM~

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#3344402 - 09/02/13 08:00 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: TAFKAP]
MUP
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Registered: 08/01/07
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Sounds like you may need to look into having children's church, maybe in another room in the bldg? Or at least a separate "Sunday school" program for the kids. Jmo and good luck finding a productive solution brother. ;\)
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MUP

Amateurs: Built the Ark

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#3344415 - 09/02/13 08:19 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: MUP]
Poleaxe
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Registered: 09/08/12
Posts: 2144
Loc: Etowah Tennessee

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I can't believe one of the deacons hasn't spoke with her yet. Maybe out of fear that it might upset her. I would ask one of the deacons to talk to her about letting them go to children's church. I think people that bring disruptive kids to church is one of the rudest things. People that are there to try and make their lives right and can't is sad. I was one of those kids along time ago. I would have members of the congregation that would have to come sit with me and keep me from crawling under the pews. It worked though. Now I just want to pick up every kid I hear and spank em and their parents. I never acted up around my parents though.
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#3344433 - 09/02/13 08:46 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: TAFKAP]
WGK
WILD BILL
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Registered: 02/18/12
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MUP is right sounds like you need to have children's church. Ours is structured for kids from ages 3 to 5.
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#3344439 - 09/02/13 08:52 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: WGK]
rem270
18 Point


Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 20534
Loc: south fulton

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I dont understand why people go to church to socialize. My mom is a candidate of it. I have a new nephew who is 5 months old and she is constantly looking over to him, or holding him and trying to make him laugh, etc. Its all cute and all, and i love my nephew to death, but i go to church for a reason. To learn the word better and to try to take the sermon and prayer and use it in my everyday walk. If you cant take 2hrs out of your day to focus on what the preacher has prayed about and has brought to the pulpit to share then somethings wrong.

Im with you on this, I know you want to say something to her, as i do mine but i try to keep peace and just let it go.

Maybe a talk with the Pastor will help out and him or a deacon can have a talk with her. Or maybe he can just announce that no food or drinks are allowed in the sanctuary anymore. That should solve the problem there.
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#3344456 - 09/02/13 09:22 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: rem270]
Gravey
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Registered: 07/20/05
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Loc: Rutherford / Wilson County Lin...

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Nothing worse than candy wrappers and crying babies during the service. Its a huge distraction and there is a cry room and nursery for a reason. Time for you to man up to your mom and have the conversation if nobody else will.
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#3344487 - 09/02/13 10:03 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Gravey]
greygoose
6 Point


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 542
Loc: memphis

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i do my praying in the woods
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#3344507 - 09/02/13 10:36 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: rem270]
-DRM-
6 Point


Registered: 08/21/12
Posts: 768
Loc: Spring Hill, TN

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 Originally Posted By: rem270
I dont understand why people go to church to socialize.


Tangent, but let me address this:

This may be a news flash to some people, but God doesn't need you. God also doesn't need you to go to church to sing His praises and ask Him for favors.

He didn't give us the church for HIM, He gave us the church for US.

He gave us the church because He knew we needed a support group of people facing the same struggles on the same narrow path, and He knew we could comfort each other on that journey, and lift each other up, and help carry each other when need be.

So in that respect - Church is there for us to socialize. And to interact. And to walk through this worldly life knowing we have others taking that same journey with us.

And now, back to our regularly schedule program ;\)
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~DRM~

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#3344573 - 09/02/13 11:24 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: -DRM-]
Crow Terminator
TnDeer Old Timer
14 Point


Registered: 10/23/99
Posts: 8916
Loc: McMinn County

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Thanks for the replies.


I didn't know whether I was making a mountain out of a mole hill or what with the situation. I am on the same page though; after service last night, we went out to eat with the pastor and his wife, and I brought it up to him. This is a fairly recent problem...it hasn't been going on for months or anything like that; it's just been in the last month. I don't want to start a church gossip thing here...the church my sis inlaw and bro inlaw were members of for the past 8 yrs or so had a pretty big split, and they were hurt in that ordeal. So they've left and have been visiting around at other churches. So the niece and nephew weren't always at the church I go to. In the last month or so, they have started coming to our church whenever they aren't visiting else where...which has been most of the month. It's when the niece and nephew are there, when the candy and all that starts happening. The church they came from was a larger church that did have a space for the kids during service. The church I go to is a smaller church; it only has a baby changing station in the rest rooms, etc. We don't have any infants at our church but I imagine it wouldn't bother our preacher anyway if we did and one started crying; once he gets hooked up, you could drop a bomb outside and he not notice. Hahah.

It's not so much as not "manning up" as a couple of you have stated. I'm looking at it from a different way though. My parents have only been going to church for about 3 yrs now...and are still VERY fragile. I don't want to say or do something that would make them stop going to church all together. Likewise with the niece/nephew situation. They are just coming out of that bad situation where they were already hurt by some church members they considered to be family, and are in a place where it would be VERY easy for them to get out of church all together. I just don't want to be the one the devil uses to get folks to get mad and discouraged, and then they stop going to church over something like a candy wrapper.

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#3344582 - 09/02/13 11:36 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: WGK]
Orion6
8 Point


Registered: 07/05/00
Posts: 1504
Loc: Soddy Daisy,TN

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Stuff like that used to bother me, but I believe in family service, not breaking off to Children's Church and the like. That's just me.

Kids are kids and they'll make noise. I don't think church has to be completely silent with everyone sitting on their hands the whole time. If my kids get loud I just whisper for them to be quiet.

If it's truly so loud you can't hear, you might just speak to her personally and ask her not to bring loud snacks or put them in something like a bowl with a lid that won't make much noise.
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#3344669 - 09/02/13 01:13 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Orion6]
DirtyBear0311
8 Point


Registered: 09/01/12
Posts: 1596
Loc: Milan, TN

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I dont presume to know your mother or yalls relationship but I wouldnt figure that a simple, gentile conversation with her about not bringing food into the sanctuary would make her not want to attend church anymore. As long as you word it correctly and let her know that it bothers you and is not some big issue with everyone in the church, then I wouldnt guess that she would get embarrassed or angered with the church. However, I would certainly bring it up with her since if it bothers you, it probably bothers other folks. And while kids will be kids, that dont mean that it is any less disruptive to others. Look at it in this sense. You are afraid of allowing the devil to act through you by driving her away. If the issue is not resolved, perhaps the disruption that the kids cause will not allow a certain person in the congregation to let in the Holy Spirit and not have a real immersion into Christianity. You could be saving some one a lifetime of not really knowing Christ or at the least, becoming closer to Him by setting this situation straight.
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#3344901 - 09/02/13 05:36 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: WGK]
BIGB
6 Point


Registered: 05/19/07
Posts: 902
Loc: TN.

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The very first thing you should do is pray for God's guidance in your actions. It is called a worship service for a reason. It is your time to praise and worship your God for all he has done, not a time to socialize with members or children. There should be time set aside for fellowship but not during the service time. If God has put it on your heart to say something then you should. I would hate to think that someone left my church service lost because I sit by and let the devil have his way. The devil can use your mom to disrupt a service just like he sometimes uses my wife to disrupt my entire day. God bless you and PRAY!
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#3345269 - 09/03/13 12:31 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: BIGB]
Hoss
TnDeer Old Timer
8 Point


Registered: 02/14/00
Posts: 1459
Loc: Hendersonville , TN

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Crow, Sit with them. That way you can help keep the kids quiet and remind them to tone it down when needed. Be nice and smile you will be amazed at how much those kids will respond to an older man showing an interest in them. It may open up a whole new avenue for ministry for you. I kinda think DRM is on the right track. Be a leader. Allow the kids to be kids but structure them with guidance. It may interfere with your hearing and understanding of the message but it will offer you an opportunity to serve, which will benefit you even more.
Afterall, isn't that what is truly the point of church? Learn to serve, not that you don't now, but this is great chance to expand your ministry to your family and to the church.
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"The future of bowhunting depends on effective education"..... Bill Wadsworth

A mere shadow of the man I once was... Me!

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#3345497 - 09/03/13 09:19 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Hoss]
KPH
10 Point


Registered: 08/06/05
Posts: 3620
Loc: Hendersonville Tenn

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My mother use to say a pastor should be able to preach over a crying baby (that was in the days before crying room). Now when a child is older enough to talk I mite have to think on that.
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when I die please don't let the wife sale my guns for what I told her I paid for them

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#3345541 - 09/03/13 10:06 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: KPH]
RUGER Administrator
Bambi Killa
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Registered: 11/19/99
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Lose lose situation.
Whoever says something to her will be the bad guy.

Takes very very little modivation to stop going to church in some cases with some people.
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#3346197 - 09/03/13 07:55 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: RUGER]
chasinsmallies
4 Point


Registered: 09/29/09
Posts: 226
Loc: TN

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I am going on the other side of this one. I have two young daughters that are always in church. I once apologized to the elderly gentleman in front of me for the noise they were making. He told me after church that I should never apologize for the noise that children are making in church. His quote was, "if you are not hearing children at church, they are not there." I think your mom may be helping those children want to be at church. Also, remember that children are perfect in the eyes of God.
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#3346223 - 09/03/13 08:08 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: chasinsmallies]
Wompuscat
6 Point


Registered: 10/26/11
Posts: 784
Loc: morgan/roane/cumberland co.lin...

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Take it to the Lord and leave it there.
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#3346266 - 09/03/13 08:26 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: WGK]
777rellik
4 Point


Registered: 08/10/10
Posts: 131
Loc: tn,marion .co

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The same thing happens at a lot of places of worship,food and drinks are no longer allowed in worship area at our place of worship.If you got a baby still on the milk that is understandable.I have seen the preacher call down some grow up for talking during mens prayer room. He has the bite of a bulldog and the back of a sawlog.And yes he is still a loving Preachman
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#3346295 - 09/03/13 08:38 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Wompuscat]
KPH
10 Point


Registered: 08/06/05
Posts: 3620
Loc: Hendersonville Tenn

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 Originally Posted By: Wompuscat
Take it to the Lord and leave it there.

X2
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#3346318 - 09/03/13 08:54 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: WGK]
calledin
4 Point


Registered: 07/18/10
Posts: 262
Loc: knoxville, Tn

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Remain calm. Gods a big boy, I think he can handle it!
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#3346354 - 09/03/13 09:12 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: BlackBelt]
WestTn Huntin'man
16 Point


Registered: 11/19/06
Posts: 11967
Loc: Benton Co.

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 Originally Posted By: BlackBelt
Seems like the preacher would have already said something about it if it was bothering him.
I would speak to the minister and see how he feels about the matter.
I had a preacher once who enjoyed hearing kids crying during his services. Seemed weird, but he said those cries were from the future of the church, and he was glad they were there. I have attended churchs where there were no young people at all and I could feel the slow death the church was suffering. Eventually they closed their doors.
So I would say if kids are there, thats a good thing...even if they need some gentle guidance on behavior.

I would definitely seek guidance from the pastor. Seems like maybe her and the kids should be in the nursery or children's church.
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Proverbs 3:27 Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it

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#3346361 - 09/03/13 09:19 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Crow Terminator]
Snake
16 Point


Registered: 05/03/09
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Loc: McMinn Co.Tennessee U.S.

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1 Corinthians (KJV) 14 : 40Let all things be done decently and in order.

No I don't think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill , I think you are just like a lot of christians (like myself) who are afraid of offending and therefore damaging some one especially a loved one . But lets face it there is going to be an issue concerning this situation and I think it would be better if you pray wholeheartly about how to deal with it , heck go up and have the whole church pray for an unknown request in dealing with something troubling you . God knows and will give the answer . May not be exactly how you want it but He never fails . This is not some thing He can't handle . My prayers are with you !
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#3347101 - 09/04/13 02:25 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Snake]
Nimrod777
Non-Typical


Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 25781
Loc: Spring Hill, TN

content Online
Just ran across this. Not shooting across anyone's bow, just made me think of your thread, so here it is:

http://thecommunity.anglican.ca/children/7424/guest-post-dear-parents-with-young-children-in-church/
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Some hunt for racks, some hunt for roasts. I hunt for sheer joy; the aforementioned items are merely fringe benefits.

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#3347114 - 09/04/13 02:42 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Nimrod777]
Food Plot 101
8 Point


Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 2424
Loc: Goodlettsville,TN USA

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We always had "quiet" books growing up, so this was not an issue. When it became an issue my dad busted our tales when we got home. End of story. If the parents of these children are letting this happen it's their problem, not yours. I learned after a butt bustin' or three to pay attention and be quiet. Good luck!
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#3347633 - 09/04/13 09:53 PM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: Food Plot 101]
WestTn Huntin'man
16 Point


Registered: 11/19/06
Posts: 11967
Loc: Benton Co.

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I got my ear pinched or hand smacked with a ruler if I was acting up and not paying attention. Spare the rod spoil the child. Sounds like you need a yard stick,
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Proverbs 3:27 Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it

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#3347705 - 09/05/13 04:41 AM Re: A strange what would you do situation VERY LONG [Re: WestTn Huntin'man]
MUP
Non-Typical


Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 44410
Loc: Just North of Chatt-town

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The last two posts are spot on, at least they are relative to when I was growing up. Man, I can remember that stearn look and a firm grasp on my arm when I would act up in church, or anywhere else for that matter, but only difference was, in church, there was the dread of when I got home and what was to come, anywhere else and the lightning and thunder came down immediately!
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MUP

Amateurs: Built the Ark

Professionals: Built the Titanic

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