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#3172395 - 02/21/13 07:59 PM Didn't think about it
A.Hall
Formerly "Spoon"
Non-Typical


Registered: 10/05/04
Posts: 27301
Loc: Bartlett, TN

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Took my 14 yo daughter to school this morning which she left her phone in my truck. Well my wife just asked me if I checked her text messages,. I was kinds shocked as I never thought about checking, which I replied, she is entitle to her privacy...am I wrong?

I want to be a parent, but I to give a little length on the rope too


Edited by A.Hall (02/21/13 08:00 PM)
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Never let your friends be lonely, disturb them all the time...DUI (dial under influence)

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#3172419 - 02/21/13 08:13 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: A.Hall]
Nimrod777
Non-Typical


Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 25839
Loc: Spring Hill, TN

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Mom's plenty right on this one. Your girl is a good little gal, from all I've ever heard, but she's too young to be totally without boundaries on the most major pipeline of communication to the world.

I can tell you how we played it: our kids didn't have a Facebook account unless we had the password. They didn't have a computer to use unless it was in the living room with the rest of us, and even then, didn't have the password to get on. We logged them in when they wanted on. They knew those were the rules going in, and it was never a problem between us.

Yeah it was very conservative, but we never regretted it. Kid's decision making skills don't really mature until their college years. We wanted them to get to that point in as good a shape as possible.
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Some hunt for racks, some hunt for roasts. I hunt for sheer joy; the aforementioned items are merely fringe benefits.

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#3172420 - 02/21/13 08:15 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: A.Hall]
thetoolman
8 Point


Registered: 08/23/05
Posts: 1470
Loc: Charlotte, Tennessee

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My wife and I had this conversation a few weeks ago. We have a 4 year old daughter and I told my wife she can have her privacy when she is 18 (yeah I know), my wife disagreed. All of this came up because we have another couple that is friends of ours that has a 13yr old girl who has a phone and a FB and her mom doesn't allow dad to prowl. Literally two days after the wife and I conversation the friends 13yr old spent a couple days in the hospital for some sickness, long story short she had to have surgery. Prior to surgery they did the standard tests and found out she was 6 months pregnant. Needless to say my wife changed her mind after that incident.

Not to say you can't trust your teen, just stay involved in their lives as much as possible. If it means going through their phone and FB, it is worth it to me.
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#3172424 - 02/21/13 08:19 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: A.Hall]
Mag
8 Point


Registered: 11/12/07
Posts: 1908
Loc: Hendersonville

content Online
Have the Wife check.....you don't want to
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#3172466 - 02/21/13 08:37 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Mag]
Diehard Hunter
CRAMP
12 Point


Registered: 08/01/08
Posts: 6811
Loc: East Tennessee

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I pay for the phone, I have the right to check my kids texts. My house, my rules!
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#3172504 - 02/21/13 09:02 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Diehard Hunter]
Gravey
16 Point


Registered: 07/20/05
Posts: 19193
Loc: Rutherford / Wilson County Lin...

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 Originally Posted By: Diehard Hunter
I pay for the phone, I have the right to check my kids texts. My house, my rules!

What he said and my daughter knows it. I think I've checked it once but not sure about my wife.
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If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

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#3172547 - 02/21/13 09:27 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Gravey]
garytnhunter
6 Point


Registered: 12/29/08
Posts: 973
Loc: Newbern, TN

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We also check all of our daughters phones occasionally. They dont usually know when either. We also know their Facebook passwords and our computer is in the living room where we know what they are doing. We dont do it as an invasion of privacy but because we know that teenagers dont always make the best decisions.
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#3172554 - 02/21/13 09:31 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Gravey]
KANATI McD
8 Point


Registered: 10/30/04
Posts: 2471
Loc: West, TN.

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I agree with spoon. Its all about trust. If my daughter has not given me any reason to check up on her I wont do it. Its hard enough to grow up these days being the good kid, much less giving her the idea that her parents do not trust her.

JMO
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#3172561 - 02/21/13 09:36 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: KANATI McD]
Doe-lusional
16 Point


Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 14425
Loc: Kingston Springs

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yup snatched my daughters from her tonight!! then I had a nice little text chat with the boyfriend!! gotta love a 16 yr old boy....... NOT!!!!( he actually aint a bad kid, hes just a typical 16 yr old boy nuff said!!)
I dont care if my daughter pays for her own cell phone, while she is in my house its as good as mine, and I have Every right to snatch it at any time and go through it!! and lucky enough they are both stupid enuff to leave everything on there!! lol!
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#3172564 - 02/21/13 09:38 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: garytnhunter]
TN RDG RNR
12 Point


Registered: 06/28/07
Posts: 7066
Loc: Rhea County

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Its my job as dad to protect them and I will do whatever I feel is necessary.
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#3172565 - 02/21/13 09:38 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Doe-lusional]
Doe-lusional
16 Point


Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 14425
Loc: Kingston Springs

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holy crap 13 and pregnant, I would have a freakin stroke!
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If ya ain't first..... Your last!!!

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#3172633 - 02/21/13 10:36 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Doe-lusional]
backwoods7
8 Point


Registered: 01/22/12
Posts: 1194
Loc: shelby co TN

content Online
Id be in jail if it was my daughter
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#3172643 - 02/21/13 10:53 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Diehard Hunter]
Deer Assassin
Non-Typical


Registered: 08/01/03
Posts: 86995
Loc: Kingston Springs

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 Originally Posted By: Diehard Hunter
I pay for the phone, I have the right to check my kids texts. My house, my rules!
a men
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Spending money I dont have

on things I dont need

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#3172647 - 02/21/13 10:56 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: backwoods7]
Vermin93
12 Point


Registered: 12/11/10
Posts: 5740
Loc: Dallas, TX & Signal Mtn, TN

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Check it. The number one influence on teenagers is the other kids they associate with.
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“The more I read and the more I listen, the more apparent it is that our society suffers from an alarming degree of public ignorance” - Retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor

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#3172666 - 02/21/13 11:21 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: TN RDG RNR]
deerhunter10
10 Point


Registered: 08/21/12
Posts: 3392
Loc: maury county tn

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im am younger guy and not a parent and not going to be any time soon. but it wasn't but a few years back when my parents did this to me. it probably is different between what parents think most are more protected of there daughter. but I will tell you this I understand why parents do it, and I am sure she will to but when parents start doing that kids loose trust for them. I know I did and so did a lot of my friends both boys and girls. I think she is entitled to her privacy and you should trust her. and when parents do that it shows they don't have much trust in their child. if you do end up doing it she will understand at some point. but most likely she will not right now. I know I didn't at that age. but that's just my 2 cents being there just a couple years ago.
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#3172700 - 02/22/13 05:03 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: TN RDG RNR]
MUP
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Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 44807
Loc: Just North of Chatt-town

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 Originally Posted By: TN RDG RNR
Its my job as dad to protect them and I will do whatever I feel is necessary.


Yep, I agree totally. No one else is going to do it, no matter what happens, good or bad, it will ultimately come back to the parents in their minds on what they could've , would've, should've done imo. Just make the best decisions you can regarding your instincts as a parent.
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Amateurs: Built the Ark

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#3172719 - 02/22/13 05:59 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: TN RDG RNR]
laserman
6 Point


Registered: 08/24/02
Posts: 507
Loc: signal mt tennessee

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Check it. I don't care how good everyone thinks their kid is, it's your job to protect them. I have a good daughter also. I started checking hers while she is in the shower because they ALL are smart enough to delete things before we see them. I saw a Facebook page ( cause she forgot to delete) of a 12 yr old girl at her school posing with a crack pipe. Also intercepted a Im from a friend of hers talking about oral on a guy so he would like her and he told all his friends. Bottom line. Now days kids will say and do things we would never have expected them to do and they think nothing's wrong with it because society excepts it.
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#3172758 - 02/22/13 07:07 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: laserman]
REM7
10 Point


Registered: 08/19/08
Posts: 3632
Loc: GRUNDY COUNTY

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Trust is earned and so is respect, I would check it anytime I wanted. Cause we all know what 16 yr old boys think. Didnt have camera phones when I was 16 but if they did Im sure I would have been talking up a few pics. Protect them as long as you can cause nobdy else will.
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#3172765 - 02/22/13 07:16 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: REM7]
Rackseeker
12 Point


Registered: 09/26/02
Posts: 5633
Loc: Franklin County

happy Online
As long as I pay the phone bill, I have the right to look at my daughters phones. When they get old enough to get a job and pay the bill then they can have all the privacy they want.
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The best things in life, aren't things.

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#3172802 - 02/22/13 08:03 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Rackseeker]
Grizzly Johnson
Team Grizzly
16 Point


Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 15239
Loc: Tennessee

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You can find out alot by looking at pics and text..... if anything unappropriate has been deleted, you may never know.
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#3172821 - 02/22/13 08:18 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Grizzly Johnson]
gasman
8 Point


Registered: 07/21/11
Posts: 1429
Loc: South of the Hatchie

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I have checked, and will again..... Don't do it on a regular basis though.
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#3172823 - 02/22/13 08:19 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Diehard Hunter]
Redfred16
8 Point


Registered: 01/22/12
Posts: 1410
Loc: Hartland, WI

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 Originally Posted By: Diehard Hunter
I pay for the phone, I have the right to check my kids texts. My house, my rules!


Thats the way we raised our son.

He was really looking forward to moving out and having his own internet and phone. He found out they cost money, he uses WiFi where he can find it and is on a limited phone plan now.
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#3172824 - 02/22/13 08:20 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Grizzly Johnson]
Redwing
10 Point


Registered: 11/15/04
Posts: 2519
Loc: Blount Co.

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Tell the younger ones that you can just log into the website and read all the texts coming in and going out. That will work for a little while.
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#3172845 - 02/22/13 08:32 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Redwing]
Hangnail
12 Point


Registered: 11/30/00
Posts: 7261
Loc: Murfreesboro, TN

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There isn't a kid alive that doesn't need to be checked on. Trust is great until something happens and it isn't there in the snap of a finger. Those innocent little friends are someone else's kids and have more influence on your kid than you'd ever want to admit. Save some potential heartache and check the dang phone. There's enough stuff coming down the pike as she gets older to deal with, without having to rely on hindsight to tell you how foolish you were for not doing more.
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#3172863 - 02/22/13 08:50 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Hangnail]
MUP
Non-Typical


Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 44807
Loc: Just North of Chatt-town

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 Originally Posted By: Hangnail
There isn't a kid alive that doesn't need to be checked on. Trust is great until something happens and it isn't there in the snap of a finger. Those innocent little friends are someone else's kids and have more influence on your kid than you'd ever want to admit. Save some potential heartache and check the dang phone. There's enough stuff coming down the pike as she gets older to deal with, without having to rely on hindsight to tell you how foolish you were for not doing more.


^^^this^^^
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MUP

Amateurs: Built the Ark

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#3172875 - 02/22/13 09:05 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Doe-lusional]
Pic IN the Casa
14 Point


Registered: 03/18/11
Posts: 9523
Loc: TN

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 Originally Posted By: Doe-lusional
yup snatched my daughters from her tonight!! then I had a nice little text chat with the boyfriend!! gotta love a 16 yr old boy....... NOT!!!!( he actually aint a bad kid, hes just a typical 16 yr old boy nuff said!!)
I dont care if my daughter pays for her own cell phone, while she is in my house its as good as mine, and I have Every right to snatch it at any time and go through it!! and lucky enough they are both stupid enuff to leave everything on there!! lol!


Agreed!

Not sure if anyone remembers my post a while back about the Meetme.com site. This site has an app to download that is seperate from regular texting. I was SHOCKED at the requests my daughter was asked. THANK GOD we monitor her phone.

A friend told me about an app where you can send pics that only last say a minute or two then they disappear from the phone. Teens know how to manipulate electronics more than us. Face it.

Quite honestly, we caught my daughter just before she succumbed to pressure from boys and yes, even her piers that were telling her every body is sexting.

Trust your daughter, but she's yours until she's 18.
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#3172949 - 02/22/13 10:20 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: A.Hall]
TAFKAP
14 Point


Registered: 11/06/09
Posts: 9541
Loc: Memphis

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 Originally Posted By: A.Hall
Took my 14 yo daughter to school this morning which she left her phone in my truck. Well my wife just asked me if I checked her text messages,. I was kinds shocked as I never thought about checking, which I replied, she is entitle to her privacy...am I wrong?

I want to be a parent, but I to give a little length on the rope too


Until they're 18 years old and out of the house, they're not entiteld to a [censored] thing....at least that's how I was raised.
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Everything important in life was learned from Mary Jo Kopechne.

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#3173059 - 02/22/13 12:26 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: A.Hall]
Snake
16 Point


Registered: 05/03/09
Posts: 19803
Loc: McMinn Co.Tennessee U.S.

Offline
Check heck with their privacy .
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#3173061 - 02/22/13 12:31 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Snake]
Kirk
Cerebral Assassin
16 Point


Registered: 08/07/01
Posts: 10316
Loc: Cleveland, TN USA

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I have a 23 year old daughter and a 20 year old son still living at home. If I see their phones laying around I check them to see what they are up to. As stated above, my roof, my rules.

They don't want to abide by the rules they can supply their own roof.
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I make good money, I help the Family, but one thing must be understood, I would never go against the Godfather. Ruger is a man I respect. Luca Brasi

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#3173201 - 02/22/13 03:14 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: deerhunter10]
Nimrod777
Non-Typical


Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 25839
Loc: Spring Hill, TN

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 Originally Posted By: deerhunter10
I think she is entitled to her privacy and you should trust her.


Just borrowing a sentence here, deerhunter10, but this is not directed at you.

Several have responded like this, and it's an understandable sentiment. The thing is, this is not merely a Trust issue. It's about more than that. It's about providing parent-established safeguards during adolescence.

There are serious and sometimes intense pressures associated with cell, text, and picture communications, not to mention kids who have a free ticket to the 'net anytime, anywhere. And to be honest, even the best behaved kids are ill-equipped to deal with it all alone. It's not about trust or distrust as much as it's about standing alongside your kids to help them maneuver safely through an ever-changing minefield.

Now if you're gonna skulk around and secretly check through everything your kid owns, then yeah, that's a breach of trust that will probably lead to a lot of resentment from an adolescent. But if these safeguards are a result of a rational discussion, understanding follows. Maybe not excitement or enthusiasm, but it will take a lot of responsibility off their young shoulders, and appreciation should come in time.

Heck, I'm 49, and I utilize a watchdog program on my own laptop. If I visit any websites that appear questionable, it will show up in email form to both my wife and a fellow staff member here at the church. Do I feel like they don't trust me? No. But I feel like I benefit from knowing where the line in the sand is drawn.
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Some hunt for racks, some hunt for roasts. I hunt for sheer joy; the aforementioned items are merely fringe benefits.

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#3173285 - 02/22/13 05:26 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Nimrod777]
Hangnail
12 Point


Registered: 11/30/00
Posts: 7261
Loc: Murfreesboro, TN

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Nimrod, sounds like you don't trust yourself in that last part of your post. I'm confident that isn't the case with you, it just seems extreme.
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#3173296 - 02/22/13 05:40 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Hangnail]
deerhunter10
10 Point


Registered: 08/21/12
Posts: 3392
Loc: maury county tn

Offline
I see where nimrod is coming from completely. If you know you will get caught or have a big chance at getting caught then you are very very unlikely to do it. Atleast that's what i think he is saying. Like i said before i completely understand why parents do it but when i was that age i really didn't. Now I'm not in that situation yet but i will probably say that when i have a kid that i will probably do the same thing. But i was jist putting in a point from the other side of things.
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#3173302 - 02/22/13 05:48 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Vermin93]
WestTn Huntin'man
16 Point


Registered: 11/19/06
Posts: 11980
Loc: Benton Co.

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 Originally Posted By: Vermin93
Check it. The number one influence on teenagers is the other kids they associate with.

I believe it is their friends but I would put the media pretty close to #1 with their friends.
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Proverbs 3:27 Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it

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#3173355 - 02/22/13 06:44 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: WestTn Huntin'man]
Doe-lusional
16 Point


Registered: 01/27/07
Posts: 14425
Loc: Kingston Springs

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I was a sneaky as crap teenager, my daughter is me made over, sooooo with that being said, I check. But as much as I Trust her, I dont trust other kids. Especially with some of the things that I already know about them.
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#3173391 - 02/22/13 07:25 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Doe-lusional]
WestTn Huntin'man
16 Point


Registered: 11/19/06
Posts: 11980
Loc: Benton Co.

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Yep I'm Lucky I Lived thru my Teens.I had a well used basement window. When I wasn't sneaking out I sold night crawlers thru it.
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Proverbs 3:27 Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it

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#3174023 - 02/23/13 04:12 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: Hangnail]
Nimrod777
Non-Typical


Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 25839
Loc: Spring Hill, TN

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 Originally Posted By: Hangnail
Nimrod, sounds like you don't trust yourself in that last part of your post. I'm confident that isn't the case with you, it just seems extreme.

Then you read it right. Just cuz I'm in ministry doesn't mean there aren't days when I don't feel like doing right. That's why I put accountability checks in place. And that's what I believe we should do for our kids as well.
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Some hunt for racks, some hunt for roasts. I hunt for sheer joy; the aforementioned items are merely fringe benefits.

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#3174036 - 02/23/13 04:41 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: TN RDG RNR]
tnfirefighter
8 Point


Registered: 10/11/04
Posts: 1657
Loc: East Tennessee

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Ive got 2 out of 3 boys still at home 17 and 18. I was that age and I know what they are going thru and even though they were all raised in church and by strict hands. I dont want a pi&&ed off father at my door. I know they act different around us then with their friends. I tell them I will check phones and all other social media as I see fit.
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#3174066 - 02/23/13 05:24 PM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: tnfirefighter]
A.Hall
Formerly "Spoon"
Non-Typical


Registered: 10/05/04
Posts: 27301
Loc: Bartlett, TN

Offline
I agree with most as I will check her text and FB acct as we feel the need, but I also feel as she is maturing as a women she still need some privacy. I don't wont to be that over bearing parent.
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Never let your friends be lonely, disturb them all the time...DUI (dial under influence)

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#3174475 - 02/24/13 09:25 AM Re: Didn't think about it [Re: A.Hall]
BamaProud
12 Point


Registered: 04/03/11
Posts: 6825
Loc: Shelby County, TN

content Online
I think if you suddenly start demanding to see texts/Facebook etc of a 13, 14, 15 etc... year old it can be shocking to the kid. Start very young and make it just part of normal life. Mom/Dad has access to their electronic media....its just the way it is.
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