#2392969 - 05/14/11 07:18 PM
odd request
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Buck Nekkid
Non-Typical
Registered: 12/20/07
Posts: 42423
Loc: Jefferson County,Tn
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some of you already know,but first a little background.
my father left me when i wasent very old.his business in palm springs was more important that his son in los angeles.i always knew who he was and where he was but even growing up he never had time for me.my mom remarried when i was about 8 to a military man who would have flashbacks of war and take it out on me.he was abusive to me and i will never know if mom turned a blind eye or just didnt know.i hope its the later.as a child i blamed all this on dad leaving.i was well in my 20s when the old man wanted to try and be a father.by then it was too late.over the last 20+ years we have somewhat reconnciled but its still a strained relationship.my step mother has been the middle man for a very long time.he has never met my wife,never talked to her on the phone(mostly because his english sucks and she dosent understand him)he has never seen my kids and ive not seen him since march of 1996.only reason then was i was called to l.a. to testify in a murder case and it was an all expenses paid trip and i wanted to see my sisters.
today my step mother calls me with an odd request.me and your dad want to come to tennessee,stay with you and visit for a week or two.i told her we have a lot on our plate right now and we have lots of things going on this summer.ill get back with you if we can make it work.i love my step mother to death and it would mean a lot to her and my sisters if i would let things go but its too [censored] hard.theres a lot of water under the bridge.im trying to also think of my kids and wife.my little one is really wanting to meet his grandpa and dad is a regular topic for him.
i wish this was an easy decision.if it was just me and my feelings it would be an easy choice but there are so many other peoples lives my decision will affect either way.anyone got any home spun wisdom or some advice either way?
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#2392974 - 05/14/11 07:25 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: Buck Nekkid]
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RUGER
Arachnophobic
Non-Typical
Registered: 11/19/99
Posts: 4097419
Loc: TN
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Sounds like a tough decision for you.
Hope it all works out.
_________________________
Youth is wasted on the young.
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#2392975 - 05/14/11 07:26 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: Buck Nekkid]
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pass-thru
10 Point
Registered: 10/10/04
Posts: 3046
Loc: va beach
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Things happen in families. Sometimes we never know the full story. There may be things about your dad leaving that you don't know about that might have given a fuller explanation.
People also change for better or for worse. If your dad has wanted to make ammends, how will it harm you to forgive him?
If they're willing to make the trip, let them come. Let them stay in a hotel, but let them come. Then you won't have to worry about regretting not letting them come at some point in the future.
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#2392985 - 05/14/11 07:37 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: pass-thru]
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LA man
16 Point
Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 18543
Loc: spencer, tn/houma, la.
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Things happen in families. Sometimes we never know the full story. There may be things about your dad leaving that you don't know about that might have given a fuller explanation.
People also change for better or for worse. If your dad has wanted to make ammends, how will it harm you to forgive him?
If they're willing to make the trip, let them come. Let them stay in a hotel, but let them come. Then you won't have to worry about regretting not letting them come at some point in the future.
i agree
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GO LSU
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#2392993 - 05/14/11 07:45 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: LA man]
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RodBone75
12 Point
Registered: 05/02/07
Posts: 6630
Loc: Maury Co.
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hope it works out for ya man.
_________________________
MidTenn Posse
You picking up what i'm putting down!
“The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
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#2392995 - 05/14/11 07:45 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: LA man]
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Diehard Hunter
12 Point
Registered: 08/01/08
Posts: 5208
Loc: East Tennessee
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Better to go ahead and try it now than to regret not having tried it later!
_________________________
One of the penalties of an ecological education is that one lives alone in a world of wounds. Aldo Leopold
Don't argue with an idiot He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
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#2393011 - 05/14/11 08:10 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: BigSatt]
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switchbacker
8 Point
Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 1282
Loc: knoxville
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my parents had me at 15, so my grandparents raised me so i know somewhat how your feeling. i know my mom well, though shes like a aunt to me more than anything. i met my biological dad at the court date for him to sign some paperwork and its only time ive met him faceto face, and lately hes tried as well. do what you thinks best for you. trust in God and let him handle what you think is too much my friend.
_________________________
SI VIS PACEM, PARA BELLUM
decide what to be and go be it
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#2393031 - 05/14/11 08:30 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: tndrbstr]
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SilverFox
10 Point
Registered: 10/16/10
Posts: 3541
Loc: Kodak TN
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The best I answer... pray about it. I will also be praying for you and yours.
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#2393045 - 05/14/11 08:47 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: SilverFox]
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Nimrod777
18 Point
Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 23170
Loc: Spring Hill, TN
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You may regret it if you let them come. Then again you may not; could be better than you know.
But if you refuse them this opportunity, you will likely regret it the rest of your life.
_________________________
Some hunt for racks, some hunt for roasts. I hunt for sheer joy; the aforementioned items are merely fringe benefits.
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#2393073 - 05/14/11 09:10 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: Nimrod777]
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rem270
16 Point
Registered: 11/15/02
Posts: 17330
Loc: south fulton
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i believe if you dont let them come you'll regret it one day.
good luck with everything.
_________________________
NO1 Greater- Ky Wildcats!!
Its not what happens in life, but how you react to it that matters.
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#2393108 - 05/14/11 09:28 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: rem270]
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Bowdacious
16 Point
Registered: 09/01/00
Posts: 12928
Loc: over here
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I don't have a clue what you should do. I do know that you will make the best decision you can for you and your family. I hope that everything works out as it should for you. You are definitely in a tough spot. Whatever you decide, trust that it was the right choice and you will have no regrets.
_________________________
Disagreeing with me doesn't make me any less right.
____________________________________
The best gift you can give another is the feeling that they are worth something.
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#2393118 - 05/14/11 09:32 PM
Re: odd request
[Re: Diehard Hunter]
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Beekeeper
Good ol' Boys "Team Buckcreek"
16 Point
Registered: 08/26/09
Posts: 10928
Loc: McMinn Co. Tennessee
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Better to go ahead and try it now than to regret not having tried it later!
_________________________
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
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#2393193 - 05/15/11 12:05 AM
Re: odd request
[Re: Beekeeper]
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jameseboy
8 Point
Registered: 10/02/03
Posts: 1596
Loc: Germantown, TN
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Put me in the sure come on but stay at hotel. Best chance to make it work
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#2393198 - 05/15/11 12:17 AM
Re: odd request
[Re: jameseboy]
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102
10 Point
Registered: 08/01/02
Posts: 3650
Loc: Tennessee
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You are the better man. This is obvious. Now SHOW him!
And by the way, we will all be forgiven by the same measure by which we forgive others.
I'd say the act of letting them come stay with you for a week should put a bunch of forgiveness "credits in your column".
Good luck.
_________________________
God, Family, Job, Bowhunting
Luck is where Opportunity and Preparation MEET!
When in doubt...back out!
SCAPAS.stay calm and pick a spot.
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#2393202 - 05/15/11 12:54 AM
Re: odd request
[Re: 102]
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Kirk
14 Point
Registered: 08/07/01
Posts: 8681
Loc: Cleveland, TN USA
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My Father and Grandfather had a very strained relationship due to divorce when my Father was in high school. He hated his father.
To the day he died he despised the man and felt cheated out of his childhood. Long story about living conditions I won't get in to.
HOWEVER, his three boys never knew it. We loved our Grandfather and we spent time with him. We had a relationship with our grandfather because my FATHER put his hatred aside and let his boys love.
It was after my father died that we learned the true feelings our father had for his father. My Mother said it was so tense you could cut it with a knife at times.
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#2393244 - 05/15/11 06:16 AM
Re: odd request
[Re: bowriter]
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Bottom Hunter
16 Point
Registered: 12/29/06
Posts: 15478
Loc: Hatchie Bottoms
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YOU make the decision. if there is "hesitation" in your mind, then maybe there's a reason for it.
My dad left us while I was in high school and never had much to do with any of us for many many years. When he got OLD and couldn't run women anymore, then he wanted to come back HOME.
he even wanted to move back in with mom. I never allowed that to happen and so he found some younger woman to marry so she could take care of him. He did start coming to holiday things, but it was very uncomfortable for everyone.
I have a problem with the length of the stay , more than anything. A week or TWO!!??
IMO, I'd think more about WHY NOW???
I know you want the family to all meet each other and share time and maybe they should, but if you do this go in to it without any preconceived notions of how it will all play out. DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING.
Good Luck.
_________________________
There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict.
Walk away; the battle they are fighting is not with you, but with themselves.
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#2393252 - 05/15/11 06:49 AM
Re: odd request
[Re: bowriter]
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Football Hunter
18 Point
Registered: 10/22/07
Posts: 24550
Loc: Wilson Co/Perry Co
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The only advice I wouold give is to make sure they stay in a motel. That way, you can see them on your basis and not be bumping into them in the hall on the way to the bathroom. Also, if it isnot working out, tell them so and tell them you no longer wish to see them. To keep on seeing him wouold just make it worse. I am not of the "You'll regret it later school." You do what you think is best and ignore all of the advice. 
_________________________
The best day to plant a tree,IS TODAY!
You wont know,if you dont go!
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#2394050 - 05/16/11 06:17 AM
Re: odd request
[Re: Buck Nekkid]
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Snake
16 Point
Registered: 05/03/09
Posts: 15478
Loc: McMinn Co.Tennessee U.S.
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Lot of knee mail on this one ! We are called to forgive but it is really hard to forget things that have been trumatic in our lives . My prayers are sent for you !
_________________________
No matter the storm , when you are with God , there's always a rainbow waiting .
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