#2390260 - 05/11/11 09:31 AM
need some advice on death and dying
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Buck Nekkid
Non-Typical
Registered: 12/20/07
Posts: 42423
Loc: Jefferson County,Tn
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we broke the news about the wifes granny to the 2 older boys yesterday.the 19 year old knew more than the 22 year old but they took the news relatively well.
we still havent talked to the 11 year old.him and her have become really close over this past year since she moved down here with us.when my mom passed it was unexpected so that was easier to explain.how do you tell him that hey your granny is sick,she is going to die and there is nothing we can do.i find it hard to say the right things,im more of a matter of fact kind of guy.im hoping my wife will take the lead on this one but i know eventually some things will fall to me.i have almost become immune to death because ive had to deal with so much of it over the years.i dont want to come across as an unfeeling prick its just i see death different than most folks.im just no good explaining things on a childs level...any advice would be appreciated
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#2390264 - 05/11/11 09:36 AM
Re: need some advice on death and dying
[Re: Buck Nekkid]
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jos3ywales
12 Point
Registered: 10/02/09
Posts: 5895
Loc: Norris Dam
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gonna be a tough one prayers sent
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Are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?
"Let God in he will save you all you have to do is ask"
"I'm a legend in my own mind"
Jos3ywales
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#2390285 - 05/11/11 09:55 AM
Re: need some advice on death and dying
[Re: jos3ywales]
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fourwheeler431
14 Point
Registered: 09/05/06
Posts: 8095
Loc: Powell
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Prayers for the right words.
_________________________
"I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you with tears in my eyes. If you $!&@ with me. I'll kill you all!"
Marine General James Mattis to Iraqi tribal leaders.
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#2390294 - 05/11/11 10:01 AM
Re: need some advice on death and dying
[Re: fourwheeler431]
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Nimrod777
18 Point
Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 23214
Loc: Spring Hill, TN
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Actually, you just need to sit down and talk it out. At 11, they're old enough to recognize mortality, probably have an awareness that not all is right health-wise, and will pretty readily grasp that time is short.
Don't fall into the trap that too many adults seem to believe, that sparing their kids anything that might upset them will somehow benefit them. Insulating our young people gives them no leg-up on the world. There will be grief, sadness, and unhappiness. The most important tool you can offer is to teach them that grief is survivable, ok to discuss, and acceptable.
Start the discussion by asking them how much they know about granny's condition, then build from there. Don't put it off; they need to be able to capitalize on the preciousness of remaining days just as much as anyone does.
_________________________
Some hunt for racks, some hunt for roasts. I hunt for sheer joy; the aforementioned items are merely fringe benefits.
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#2390348 - 05/11/11 10:52 AM
Re: need some advice on death and dying
[Re: Nimrod777]
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A.K.A.
10 Point
Registered: 11/11/08
Posts: 3106
Loc: East TN
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I would personally be honest but not overly descriptive. Giving too much info may confuse the younger kid.
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#2390350 - 05/11/11 10:55 AM
Re: need some advice on death and dying
[Re: Nimrod777]
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A.K.A.
10 Point
Registered: 11/11/08
Posts: 3106
Loc: East TN
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Actually, you just need to sit down and talk it out. At 11, they're old enough to recognize mortality, probably have an awareness that not all is right health-wise, and will pretty readily grasp that time is short.
Don't fall into the trap that too many adults seem to believe, that sparing their kids anything that might upset them will somehow benefit them. Insulating our young people gives them no leg-up on the world. There will be grief, sadness, and unhappiness. The most important tool you can offer is to teach them that grief is survivable, ok to discuss, and acceptable.
Start the discussion by asking them how much they know about granny's condition, then build from there. Don't put it off; they need to be able to capitalize on the preciousness of remaining days just as much as anyone does.
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#2390363 - 05/11/11 11:12 AM
Re: need some advice on death and dying
[Re: A.K.A.]
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Baxter83
Good ol' Boys
12 Point
Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 7243
Loc: Winchester, TN
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Good advice. Just pray about it and the words will come to you. Be honest. Prayers sent.
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#2390418 - 05/11/11 12:44 PM
Re: need some advice on death and dying
[Re: Nimrod777]
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slick
4 Point
Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 282
Loc: nashville, tn
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Actually, you just need to sit down and talk it out. At 11, they're old enough to recognize mortality, probably have an awareness that not all is right health-wise, and will pretty readily grasp that time is short.
Don't fall into the trap that too many adults seem to believe, that sparing their kids anything that might upset them will somehow benefit them. Insulating our young people gives them no leg-up on the world. There will be grief, sadness, and unhappiness. The most important tool you can offer is to teach them that grief is survivable, ok to discuss, and acceptable.
Start the discussion by asking them how much they know about granny's condition, then build from there. Don't put it off; they need to be able to capitalize on the preciousness of remaining days just as much as anyone does.
Spot on advice, especially the part where you pointed out to not INSULT them. Children have a much better grasp on things than most would like to think.. Of course you can't treat them as if they are full grown adults, but at the same time its imperative that you not "dumb things down" every time something bad happens or is going to happen... They'll have a much better outlook as adults if you're able to take the advice given by Nimrod and work it into your situation (not only this one)...
Not pointing fingers at anyone or saying anything other than the advice given in this thread could help a LOT of people when it comes to a better understanding their own children
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#2390503 - 05/11/11 02:18 PM
Re: need some advice on death and dying
[Re: slick]
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Rowdy
14 Point
Registered: 12/25/07
Posts: 9377
Loc: ky lake
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Plenty of good advice already given above....I'm just sorry you have to deal with it bud.....prayers sent
_________________________
Gone fish'n....be back for deer season
EARL PITTS is my HERO!
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#2390530 - 05/11/11 03:01 PM
Re: need some advice on death and dying
[Re: Rowdy]
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punkcat
4 Point
Registered: 03/27/10
Posts: 111
Loc: The Rock
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Kids are alot smarter than you think. When my dad died, I had to tell greatgrandchildren. It was tough but they really accepted it well.
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