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#1460570 - 08/19/09 01:17 PM RSimms
bowriter
Non-Typical


Registered: 08/31/02
Posts: 41863
Loc: Lebanon,TN USA

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You're famous again.
_________________________

Constipation has ruined many a good day. Not as many as stupidity, though.

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#1460973 - 08/19/09 04:28 PM Re: RSimms [Re: bowriter]
bowriter
Non-Typical


Registered: 08/31/02
Posts: 41863
Loc: Lebanon,TN USA

Offline
I did not include RSimms pictures because they belong to him.


Outdoors With John L. Sloan
August 19, 2009

Just Things Remembered…

So we are going down the river in my red and silver boat. The Reflector, who can’t fish a lick, leans over and says to me, “You know when a chicken crosses the road, that’s poultry in motion.”
Up in the front of the red and silver boat, Big Bird hangs up his cell phone and commences to bang his head on the deck. Then he says, “Last time I was in Alaska, I took a tour of the islands. Three times, I thought I saw an eye doctor but it was only an optical Aleutian.” The Reflector, he starts slapping himself in the face. I was pretty sure it wasn’t doctor Tate, he mostly does ears and noses. Reflector, he says, “What?”
So I turn down the volume on my hearing aids so I can’t hear the motor but can still hear them and I say, “Woody Hunt told me a story the other day. It was about a foul ball hit into the dugout. He said. “I wondered why it kept getting bigger and bigger then it hit me.” Well you should have seen the head banging and face slapping.
Then I recalled the time Hiz Honor’s son Clint swallowed all the coins. Hiz Honor was in court but at the first break, he called the ER to check on things. Best I can recall, the nurse told him, “No change yet.”
Hiz Honor also told me about a very short fortuneteller who had escaped from prison. I have no idea why he was in prison but anyhow he escaped. Turned out he was a small medium at large. I’ll bet even Terry Ashe got that one. In fact, he told me other day that a hole had been found in the nudist camp wall and cops were looking into it.
Speaking of law guys, cop told me the other day he wrote a citation to a dog. Said, “This dog gave birth on the side of the road out by the big dumpsters on Tater Peeler and I wrote her up for littering.” Ah well, no matter how much you push the envelope, it is still stationery.
So there we are fishing in the cove. Big Bird gets off the phone long enough to make a cast. As usual, he hooks something. This time, instead of himself, it is an orange from Reflector’s lunch. Reflector doesn’t miss a beat, says, “Nothing like being hooked on health.”
About then I see a feather floating on the water. I point it out to the guys and say, “Looks like an Indian drowned.”
Lot of bagworms this year. We were discussing that and Reflector, he says, “Shame they aren’t silk worms.” Well BB and me let this go and a few minutes later, Reflector, he says, “Two silk worms got in a race and ended up in a tie.” I stuck a knife in my hand and BB he commenced banging his head on the deck. The Reflector, he says, “Have y’all ever considered that atheism is a non-prophet organization?” I reached for a second knife and BB; he switched to a harder side of the deck.
So somehow, we got to talking about food. Big Bird, he says, “Give this some thought. I don’t much like French food, a little too fancy for me, but if you threw a hand grenade into a French kitchen, it would be Linoleum Blown Apart. Reflector just stood up and jumped overboard. Took ten minutes to get the Reflector out of the water and back in the boat and we never did find his hairpiece.
Course once you start talking about food, I am the Source. I felt it was time to lay a little history on them. So, says I, “Are you aware that the roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference? He got that way from eating too much pi.” Only BB got that one.
So while on the subject of eating, I related my recent experience at Big Daddy’s cookout. I hadn’t had a hotdog in over a year and so I had one…and some cole slaw. Sometimes, (always) hotdogs give me gas. My wife is disturbed by that, even when it isn’t me. She is bad to give me the evil eye. (See picture).
Reflector, he says, “When I was in high school, I had this rubber band gun. I took it to algebra class one day and got thrown out for having a weapon of math disruption.”
I simply remarked that when I was taking high school composition, I learned that a backward poet writes inverse.
Now always remember…you heard it here first. Let’s go fishing. And maybe you know, why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
###

Cutline:
#1- I like a good hotdog. And it really wasn’t me. Eat your heart out Larry Woody.

SIDEBAR-TWO PHOTOS:

Meanwhile on the fishing front, Richard Simms guiding on Chickamauga continues to put his clients on fish. He has been nailing them all summer. Check these catches out.

#1- Tait Rassell shows off a bragging-sized (5 lb.) smallmouth taken in the tailwaters of Chickamauga Dam in Chattanooga, fishing with Scenic City Fishing Charters. The fishery doesn't offer huge numbers of brown fish, but it obviously produces some quality. Photo by R. Simms

#2- Chattanooga's Ross Malone, and his brother-in-law Neil Wilding from Cheatham County show off a huge stringer of bull bream taken in the tailwaters of Chickamauga Dam in Chattanooga. Tailwaters are not often considered "bluegill hotspots," but they should be. Photo by R. Simms.


_________________________

Constipation has ruined many a good day. Not as many as stupidity, though.

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#1460992 - 08/19/09 04:50 PM Re: RSimms [Re: bowriter]
rsimms
10 Point


Registered: 09/08/02
Posts: 2692
Loc: Chattanooga, TN

Offline
Here are versions of those photos:



_________________________
Read my book, "An Outdoor State of Mind"
http://stores.lulu.com/rsimms
"The outdoors is not just a place, it's a state of mind."
http://www.ScenicCityFishing.com

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#1461040 - 08/19/09 05:29 PM Re: RSimms [Re: rsimms]
scn
14 Point


Registered: 02/05/03
Posts: 9925
Loc: Brentwood, TN US

content Online
I can see why you are in so much trouble tonight.

You may get to sleep out with your skunks.


Edited by scn (08/19/09 05:30 PM)
_________________________
Life is too short to fish with a dead cricket.

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#1461171 - 08/19/09 07:21 PM Re: RSimms [Re: scn]
encore06
16 Point


Registered: 12/08/06
Posts: 10563
Loc: Harrogate, TN

happy Online
LMTO.
_________________________
God Bless, Carl

Jer 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

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#1461276 - 08/19/09 08:14 PM Re: RSimms [Re: bowriter]
Wes Parrish
16 Point


Registered: 06/12/02
Posts: 19287
Loc: Knoxville-Dover-Union City, TN

Offline
 Originally Posted By: bowriter
I hadn’t had a hotdog in over a year and so I had one…and some cole slaw. Sometimes, (always) hotdogs give me gas. My wife is disturbed by that, even when it isn’t me. She is bad to give me the evil eye. (See picture).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "GUILTY, As Charged."

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#1461548 - 08/19/09 10:43 PM Re: RSimms [Re: Wes Parrish]
bowriter
Non-Typical


Registered: 08/31/02
Posts: 41863
Loc: Lebanon,TN USA

Offline
Well yes, but isn't that funny? She's okay now that I explained it to her. She said "Well at least it makes my boobs look bigger."

Go figger?

SCN- the skunks are no more. I can still shoot.
_________________________

Constipation has ruined many a good day. Not as many as stupidity, though.

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